


Tome of My Poetry|I

by arnoux



Category: Poetry - Fandom
Genre: Poems, Poetry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:48:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28494861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arnoux/pseuds/arnoux
Summary: A small tome of poetry that I am writing in hopes of it getting published. I hope that it fills each reader with more insight than yesterday and more awareness for tomorrow. This is apart of my mind, my soul, and my heart; I wish for it to help give others reassurance that they are not alone in this world, and they can find healing with time, laughter, and the right people.**A lot of my poems go over topics of mental illnesses, mental disorders, talks of depression and anxiety, as well as happiness that I've experienced and wish to share in some fashion.
Kudos: 1





	1. To Be Like the Birds

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a poem of my desire to feel free. I usually use poetic devices as well as saying it as is. this is one of many poems I've written like this.

I spend a lot of time wondering

How the birds must feel, up in the air

With nothing more than the wind and their wings

To keep them aloft while they travel to and fro.

I often envy these creatures,

Out of all of those on the earth.

Because they seem so free and unencumbered

By the grievance of gravity.

They are not bound to the ground,

As the rest of us are.

They can take off at a moment's notice,

And ride the air currents in the sky.

They can see the stars clear as crystal,

Flying just above the clouds.

Just to see that view once, the wind coursing past me,

Is a daydream reoccurring.

But, alas, I'm no bird,

And no genetic hybrid.

I will not know that freedom,

Or that peace, in this lifetime.


	2. Wintertime Sadness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty much a poem about how I get going into autumn and winter due to my late stepmother's death. I decided to do a comparison to how she made me feel with the wintertime. She was my everything, and I'll let this poem describe how it all has felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of depression, loss.

The freezing cold settles into my bones,

Like the way you settled in my heart. 

The world draped in white, the way I hope 

You are, in a robe so white it'd put the snow to shame.

The preservation of the earth for the next bountiful harvest come

The next autumn shows that some good things just can't be erased.

The best things and people in our lives are preserved in our memory,

Staying alive and well for the ones that truly loved them.

But now I can't appreciate winter's frigid beauty,

As it serves to remind of a much colder reality.

You not by my side and with me in this mortal realm,

And passed on like the leaves in the autumn.

You helped me to bloom,

As a gardener does their plants.

You were my mother and father,

And you grew me with just your love alone.

I miss your hugs, your laughter, your smile.

I long to hear your voice again, the cadence of my hope;

But, alas, I will never hear it again because your soul and mine

Are separated again, and in two different realms.

I hope you've found your rest,

And have the ending you wish.

Because of you saving me, being what I needed,

To me you deserve sainthood, and that halo of gold.


	3. Goodbye For Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A poem that was written while the wound of losing my mom was still fresh.

When you passed on  
To the land of angels,  
It felt like the part of me you  
Nurtured right passed with you.

When you passed on,  
The memories are both  
Comfort and unbearable,  
The deep pain that will never go away.

You were my world and  
My everything, all I loved;  
You made me better, and  
You loved me fiercely.

Now I can't stand  
Being in the house anymore,  
In a place so dull with the absence  
That once shone with life and laughter.

But I'll push on,  
No matter how tough it gets  
Because I know you would  
Want me to carry on.

So keep going I will,  
And keep your memory  
Close to my heart, waiting for  
When we can be together again.

Goodbye for now, Mama.  
Please don't wait up for me,  
But come back to the gates later,  
When it's my turn to go home.

We can catch up and  
You can show me around then,  
And we'll laugh like we used to  
And my smile will be wider than life.


	4. Unattainable Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A love poem about my very first boyfriend *I think*. Lol

His touch was like electricity  
Waking me up with each brush of his fingers;  
It's kind of like I long for it,  
Because once it's there, even slightly, it lingers.

His eyes are the color  
Of freshly melted chocolate;  
The very color that makes me wonder  
'What my fate?'

His hands are  
Somewhat large;  
Able to fit over mine  
But, when they touch me, give a charge.

His scent  
Is so alluring;  
I love his smell,  
It's so intoxicating.

His lips are soft,  
And feel so good;  
Against mine,  
And better than food.

No matter where I look,  
The ground below, the sky above;  
A sigh escapes my lips  
At this unattainable love.


	5. Poem Without A Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A poem that I wrote that I couldn't think of a name for. So, that became its name.

Walking through the rubble that once was my dwelling place

Wanting to start again;

Many want to always talk about me,

Go ahead and fight me then.

Shrieks of pain can be heard all around,

The sound of evil laughter falls around the world tonight;

Broken bodies house shattered spirits,

Souls are no longer able to see hope's light.

The scattered souls will feel the hell bodies wasted on the shore,

Hell's fires quick to lick at their battered hearts;

Bodies wasted on the blackest plains in Hell's domain,

We watch them as we go, Watch as demons tear them to parts.

That we fly ever free, we're free before the thunderstorm,

Our clipped wings now healed, we soar above the clouds;

On towards the wilderness, our quest carries on,

In search of the lands that are every summer tilled with plows.

The life that once was,

Left behind, no second glance;

The ones who hurt us

Never getting another chance.

We are the angels,

Fallen from our homes;

Ravaged minds from the war,

Wanting to cleanse again in the home water's foams.

You say I am not with you,

Yet I am everything around you;

The sky above, the earth below, the river yonder, the air you feel are

The heart of my being, my very soul.

You think you can kill me,

Yet I am still here;

You try to detach from me,

But you can't, I am what you fear.

This is the way to tell you

That I am like you,

But not like you because I have the knowledge to try to save you,

But you do not wish to know it.

I didn't know what to say to you

Anymore when you continue to push me away;

You wish to stay in the ignorance of your ways because you wish not

To accept the cruel reality that I had no choice but to know.

I knew what to say in this

Poem of my mind;

But didn't know what to call it,

So this is the poem without a name.


	6. All Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't remember what emotion manifested in this one. And I don't know which one this poem came from.

How can I tell you

Exactly how I feel

When all you do is turn your back

And leave me to myself?

The life I had

Wasn't like yours,

Mine was nothing but bruises, scars, and tears

The aftermath of a scarring reality.

I can't tell you a lie,

It is not in me;

I never could tell you what you want to hear

When you ask for the truth.

I don't look like you,

I never did;

I was always different,

On the outside looking in.

You try to force me

To give up my personality;

I won't give up who I am for you,

I did once, I won't again.

It is too demoralizing enough

To try to fit in with you;

When my tears aren't of laughter or petty sorrow

But of a deeper sorrow than you can imagine.

My anger is not like yours,

Yours is like a spring rain;

Mine is like the tsunamis that plague Japan,

Wild and not tameable and misunderstood.

I am like nature,

Misunderstood and wild;

You say that nature is beautiful,

But when it grows, you cut it, not seeing the beauty.

I am a natural disaster,

Untamed and angry;

You try to prevent me from happening,

But you cannot tame God's creation.

We are the result of God's plan

To make a being that is like Him;

But, He gave us freedom of will,

And you use it to torture me.

I am not like that girl

Who gets with every guy,

But I am worse simply because

My bark is worse than my bite and she has none.

You are like one of the flashiest Pokemon,

But useless in a real battle;

And I am more like a Melotic, evolved from a Feebas,

A Gyarados from a Magikarp.

I know I am beautiful

When you say you see ugly,

I know I am strong

When you say I am weak.

I know I have a purpose and why you hate me,

I know who I am,

And you are still trying to get a thread,

A grasp of who you are.

Feebas is the ugliest Pokemon,

Magikarp the weakest;

But they evolve into Melotic and Gyarados,

The most beautiful, strongest, and most feared Pokemon in the games.

I am a warrior,

Resiliency is my forte;

Strength when there's nothing left,

That is how I survive this world.

The night is beautiful,

The moon full and soft;

My soul thrives in the soft glow,

Heals in its rays.

The sun is for you,

Who thrives when it is harsh;

You know not the beauty of the night,

Are afraid of the beautiful darkness.

I am good with words,

Genuine to help others;

But never know what to tell myself

When you attack me with your bullets.

I shift to try to fit this world,

I am not confined to just one form

Like you are, I am able to move myself

To fit the situation.

You people do not see

What damage you do with your words;

You do not know what condition you leave a person's mind in

When you spit out insults at them.

You are standing surrounded, but not threatened,

You are with friends

While you leave me solitary,

Standing all alone.


	7. Words Not Spoken

The rage boils in my stomach,

The sorrow spills from my eyes;

This world does not want me,

Not even the baby blue skies.

My anger is controlled,

I know what I say;

But more my concern is

What I don't that day.

No one hears me,

The distress I am in;

The agony I so want to speak,

But feel to speak it would be a sin.

So I keep it all inside,

Until I no longer can;

They come out in torrents of tears,

Or are a full-force blast from a fan.

Quiet, alone,

A mistake manifested;

My anger seeps away,

But my sorrow's always cresting.

The people I decided to like,

The ones who I thought liked me;

Were just pretending and don't,

And leave me drowning in this sea.

No one thinks of me

As being human too;

They just think of me

As a chore that they don't want to do.

The sorrow in my eyes,

My words unspoken,

The distress I feel,

They feel is an achievement token.

So, until I can take

Absolutely no more,

I'll have to stay

On this broken, weeping shore.

I see that you don't want to know

What I have to say;

Well too bad because I have to speak

These words not spoken.


	8. Knowing Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was back when I identified as my assigned gender, so it will be using she/her pronouns. But I'd like for it to be kept in mind I no longer identify as female.

You never knew me  
No matter how long you've been around me;  
You think you know who I am  
No one, not even you, knows that I am not free.

You say that you  
Can read me like a book;  
But the only one who can read  
People that easily is me by taking just one look.

You sling insults at me  
As if you're a cowboy  
Trying to get a hit,  
But you're not getting your joy.

Don't think I haven't heard  
All those things before,  
Haven't spent countless nights  
Weeping into pillows, all over a bedroom floor.

Others told me that  
When it was original;  
But now when you say it  
It's more like a signal.

A signal to finally  
Roast your sorry ass  
Not giving you permission to run  
Or even a hall pass.

You want to call me  
The mistake that God made,  
But you don't look in the mirror  
And see flaws hidden under your makeup shade.

You cake on the makeup  
As if that means anything;  
And then you go out  
Ready for a one night fling.

While I'm here  
Fresh-face and free  
Not needing to worry  
About who's after me.

I would stop and let you rest,  
But I'm not even halfway done;  
You need to learn something,  
And, for you, it won't be fun.

I'm roasting your ass  
So damn hard it hurts  
People might as well put it on  
Their freakin' polo shirts.

Y'all want to put all kinds of stupid things  
On shirts anyway;  
Why not put something on one like  
'Got my ass handed to me by this chick today!'

Have my pic at the  
Bottom of the shirt  
To show the girl who got so much  
She dealt out the hurt.

And I'll just be here  
With my boyfriend, playing with my hair  
Watching bitches like you play this game  
While Death needs someone to fill her chair.


End file.
